Early Retirement

At last a bailout program for the masses!!

Dear U.S. Citizens,

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of economy, Congress & your Senate has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement.

This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early). Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to Social Security to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers).

A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Congress deems appropriate. Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by your Congress or Senate.

Persons who are not RAPED and are continuing to work will receive as much SHIT(Special High Intensity Training) as possible.

Your Congress/Senate has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives to the Citizens. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring to the attention of your Congressman or Senator. They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.

Sincerely,

Your President